Sansa asks Theon for help. Light the candle to call on those faithful to the Starks.
Ramsay is there. Theon snitches. The old lady gets her skin peeled off as a reward for her loyalty.
Aemon Targaryen, the blind man at the wall, dies. #sadness
Winter is coming. Stannis is coming for Winterfell. Crazy tits wants him to sacrifice his daughter. #nahmannah
Gilly gets accosted by some bros. Sam gets his ass kicked by them, but wolfie saves them. All's well that ends well because he gets some as a result.
Jorah and Tyrion get bought as slaves, Jorah because fighting. Tyrion because haha.
Daenerys's boy toy is jelly.
Something something gratuitous assassin tits.
Jorah goes to the fighting pits. Daenerys, who I'm going to start calling D-Money, is not into it. Jorah whoops ass but D-Money tells him to piss off. Tyrion shows up. #fadetoblack
Cersei smugly goes to visit Margaery but gets a surprise accusation from the High Sparrow. Go to Jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
Rating: Slow as usual, but then OH SHIT!
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Monday, May 18, 2015
S5 E6 - Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken
Arya be washing dead people and levels up in whatever the fuck this group is.
Tyrion and Jorah get taken by slavers, and we learn that "cock merchants" are a thing.
Littlefinger makes a deal with Cersei to become warden of the north. Sansa's head is part of the deal.
Jaime and his buddy cop get to town and have to fight off three chicks to save whatshername. Both parties are stopped by the guard.
Loras is under fire for diddling dudes. He and Margaery both are going to be tried for lying.
Sansa marries Ramsay. He rapes her on their wedding night and makes Theon watch...
Rating: That's some fucked up shit.
Tyrion and Jorah get taken by slavers, and we learn that "cock merchants" are a thing.
Littlefinger makes a deal with Cersei to become warden of the north. Sansa's head is part of the deal.
Jaime and his buddy cop get to town and have to fight off three chicks to save whatshername. Both parties are stopped by the guard.
Loras is under fire for diddling dudes. He and Margaery both are going to be tried for lying.
Sansa marries Ramsay. He rapes her on their wedding night and makes Theon watch...
Rating: That's some fucked up shit.
S5 E5 - Kill the Boy
Barristan is dead.
Daenerys feeds a dude to her dragons like a boss.
Jon Snow lets the Wildling dude go but has to go with him. Most peeps are pissed.
Winter's been coming for five seasons. If winter's the exciting bit, let it come.
Theon/Reek's sleeping in the kennels. Torturey McDicksnip makes him apologize to Sansa.
Stannis is leaving the wall.
Daenerys decides she made a mistake and is gonna marry one of her potential dragonsnacks instead.
Tyrion and his captor are attacked by "stone men". Bye bye boat.
Jorah gets greyscale as a result. He'll be a nutbar soon if not treated.
Rating: Back to boring
Daenerys feeds a dude to her dragons like a boss.
Jon Snow lets the Wildling dude go but has to go with him. Most peeps are pissed.
Winter's been coming for five seasons. If winter's the exciting bit, let it come.
Theon/Reek's sleeping in the kennels. Torturey McDicksnip makes him apologize to Sansa.
Stannis is leaving the wall.
Daenerys decides she made a mistake and is gonna marry one of her potential dragonsnacks instead.
Tyrion and his captor are attacked by "stone men". Bye bye boat.
Jorah gets greyscale as a result. He'll be a nutbar soon if not treated.
Rating: Back to boring
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
S5 E4 - Sons of the Harpy
Jaime - He's on a boat, motherfucker. Motherfucker, he's on a boat.
Cersei - Allows Sparrows free rein to wreck shit. Chain whippin all the whores and swiping queeny's brother.
Tommen - The boy king's a dumb and kind of a puss.
Jon Snow - Touches crazy lady titties. He also still knows nothing apparently.
Jaime Part Deux - Gets to shore, fights some dudes with his buddy cop.
Tyrion - Still dwarf-napped. Ironically is being taken to Daenerys. Spends most of episode unconscious.
Gold masky Sons of the Harpy people kill errbody. Unsullied get wrecked.
Grey Worm has more holes than he used to have.
Rating: Is Aight
Cersei - Allows Sparrows free rein to wreck shit. Chain whippin all the whores and swiping queeny's brother.
Tommen - The boy king's a dumb and kind of a puss.
Jon Snow - Touches crazy lady titties. He also still knows nothing apparently.
Jaime Part Deux - Gets to shore, fights some dudes with his buddy cop.
Tyrion - Still dwarf-napped. Ironically is being taken to Daenerys. Spends most of episode unconscious.
Gold masky Sons of the Harpy people kill errbody. Unsullied get wrecked.
Grey Worm has more holes than he used to have.
Rating: Is Aight
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